vent

I can't rewatch vods in comp games its so boring and the worst part of the improvement process

Even though it is vital to

oh yeah no I don't skim the entire thing

just the parts that I remember

so I can reckon about what went wrong and how I might do it better next time

exercising shit within your own locus of control

if the mid player on my team is retarded and feeding I can't personally make him not be that, but I can attempt to increase my own impact on the game to make up for what we lack

I guess... I say this as having tried many things in my life, and having never seen a single one through to above mediocrity

besides, you're a human, having something to do will naturally make you feel better

I'm wired to feel like if I'm not putting my soul into something I am not living properly

we call this autism

It's called the grindset

#hounddog #warroom

so much shit in life though is really just based on doing something and then finding like-minded humans who are doing that same thing

and being able to have connections like that

Other people's perspective on my "productivity" is not related to my fulfillment in life, and that is even further removed from anything related to my job or any professional accolades

I am very non productive, I am generally happy

it's all just relative yeah

like most of the shit what goes on in our lives

A lot of people get hung up on the "value" they can produce, or struggle with needing an explicit external reward/validation to make something worth doing

yerp

the only real answer is that there are no absolutes

Yes, this is it, and I have no clue how to fix that

you have to come to terms with the fact that it really doesn't mean anything. like, who gets to decide what your value is when you can't do it for yourself and have to rely on others to do it for you? Who in the world could have that much authority? nobody, really. that's why you have to attribute value to yourself as you think is appropriate

i am in academia so I need to publish to stay employed

I have a hard time putting why I like making things into words because saying "I like to make art" sounds GAY as FUCK

I think I just feel heavily satisfied putting my mind to making something and completing it

yeah it's just in our nature

guys just like to be doing shit and making things

It's a mixture of that, and I really like to make things I find funny/cool

Mostly funny

I feel that

Hm. I guess its down to re-asking yourself why you're doing something then

I'm known to make some of the lowest effort shit imaginable just because I will laugh my ass off at it for at least ten minutes straight and then feel pride whenever I see it again

I do it for me

yeah just do it for you

You do not make something like toushin gent thinking "this shit gonna pop off"

most things are made for the self and have the nice side effect of being able to resonate with others who think similarly

ok but 10 years down the line, someone's gonna make a youtube video essay about Toushin Gent, watch it

Toushin Gent WILL be the recipient of slop content

spooky is writing up the essay right now

I don't think there's an easy way to re-program your brain, and to varying degrees of intensity and frequency, everyone feels some form of decision paralysis and questions their own motivation or direction. We all know there aren't some universal sliding scales to chart yourself on, no meyers briggs test that will tell you how to find fulfillment, no productivity DNA to sequence Some people need to believe in long-term plans that they can see every bend and curve of, some live in the moment in the most absolute way. Some feel constrained by time being finite, some relish in it. Some only value external motivation/reinforcement, some only internal If you're not fulfilled, question what you're doing. at the micro or macro level, or both. Try new things, try old things, sometimes you have to force yourself, sometimes it'll come naturally. Slowly chip away at that and figure out what the fuck you want from life and how you want to live it. And every time you end up at the complete wrong place, get up and start again.

5 seconds before Rusp calls me gay

You are gay but not for that

It begins

he's giving birth

Mistakes into miracles

I am excitedly waiting for the context of such a message at 4:30 am

Complex analysts don’t seem to know what shape a star is

I dont know what term should be used instead, but it is unintuitive to call these star shaped domains

true!

I love that finishing paying off my car dropped my credit score 30 points (from 810 to 780 but you know still what the fuck is this system)

The idea that you lose value for not always being in debt in a variety of ways is crazy

the entire idea of credit is insane

The Jews must be removed

I think there is merit to a credit system, but I think it should be more based off of your past ability to pay things off on time and etc only

But who will replace them...?

Black women

Jews are vampires

so the werewolves will replace them

you would dare suggest that we make them do work rusp?

The Jews do work?

yeah

did you see that

tunnel they made that one time

I guess Epstein WAS a pretty busy guy

oh yeah good news I think my tumor is healing

The man's already thrown under the bus for a variety of reasons, I shouldn't take one of his admirable traits from him

I'm glad your tumor is healing pirate

You can't call your child a tumor pirate

that is rude

Pirate if you died of cancer I would be so sad

if I had a child it would be a much bigger affair

I would hope it's bigger than a tumor

yeah me too rup

the weirder part about credit is that it's a private system

not governmental

Is that weird

because it's private, there is no mechanism to find out details about your credit score or financial holds that are put on you bu the 3 credit bureaus