b0b

hello polu

what's up

Not much, just got home from work

How about yourself?

I'm uh

today went a little something like this

uhhhhhh ??????? (misery) mmmmm pizza (misery but sleepy)

do you guys ever feel like there aren't enough people in your life

I sometimes imagine you guys are all real

and not figments of my imagination

take your meds

I just feel like

I am alone

probably because I am

I think it's just

the consequences of my actions

What actions?

WELL

uh

I used to have a friend group

and then

I started being an insufferable asshole in general

and

they stopped associating with me

so I just

left

so now it's

kind of just me

Ever considered rejoining or finding new communities

I mean sometimes you might lack people that are "in your" life

or feel like the people that are don't have much of a connection

right

well the thing is idk how to enter said communities because those past friends were the only way to that

so I'm just

I fucked myself

I really really fucked myself

now I just have to live with it I guess

did you ever ask these people straight if they thought you were a problem

I know this one canadian who thinks he's the bane of all his friends' existence every other month and tries to cut himself off from everything, leading to people having to convince him with facts and logic that he isn't a literal devil from hell

yeah

all they ever say is that I'm troubled and probably don't mean half the shit I say

r

or

said

I guess

past tense

but still

point is

I reap what I sow

become a schizo loner he says it'll be cool and fun he says

good job retard

look where we ended up

well do you want to have more people

more

connections

like you said

maybe I should just be more active here

do you want to leave those older ones you mentioned or are you just doing what you think you "should"

You are always welcome to come hang out with us when we are doing stuff

I want to go back but I also know that going back is going to be a waste of my goddamn time

and why is that

because this all happened before

as in you left before?

different friends different scenario

but same bullshit on my end

except I came back

and it just wasn't worth it

so why do it all over again

I'm just doomed

did you do something serious? the way you're phrasing this sounds like there's a lot more stake than there should be just for knowing people

not really

I'm just jaded as shit

I've been around this block a few times as I said

I apologize if I am projecting but you really are souding extremely similar to that canadian I mentioned

yeah I was thinking the same thing

the similarity being that

you're bothing putting a lot of stake in relationships, probably more than the people you think you've offended have

and it seems like you think it all boils down to something wrong with you

it does