the-dump

They come back.

Tiefling: "Well I'm proud of you, finally solving a conflict without violence!"

sick

Demon: "Shut. Up. You. Nerd."

oof

rip accountant

/r 6d20

@taxes: 6d20 = (5+10+8+19+9+10) = 61

Tiefling: "So what I gather is that you value your own wholeness of body more than your life, but simply going back out the gate would almost certainly mean the loss of your own life."

Demon: "Yeah, and he's a pathetic little baby with nothing of worth."

: (

Tiefling: "Hey now! A fully functioning body is worth a lot these days, what with how popular necrografts are."

Tiefling: "Then I suppose a quest is in order!"

He snaps his fingers, causing a contract to appear in his hands.

oh boy a quest!

“A quest?”

“What kind of quest?”

Tiefling: "Another client I've had, very demanding he is, is having trouble with a rival in the outer planes."

fuck

I just wanna go back to the material planes

“Mhm..”

"Oh don't worry, this is in Elysium. Should be comfortable enough for you...if you can survive the mission of course."

“Well, we don’t really have any other choice but to accept this”

"Beautiful place, lots of greenery, vast open fields, scenic mountains, brimming with wildlife....which is the problem."

"A number of terribly ferocious beasts are being harnessed for the purpose of battle within this plane. I've sent several parties out to deal with them, with varying degrees of success."

"Let's say you slay...3 of these beasts, and I can promise you safe passage home with a bonus!"

“This sounds all fine and dandy but uh.. what kind of beasts are we talking?”

Tiefling: "Hmm...large?"

Tiefling: "There's no...set design they are following."

Hmm

"These creatures are all unique, it seems."

Oh

It’s a land of summoners

With eidolons

“Well, I accept your quest. Not like I had any room to say no anyways.”

"It wouldn't typically be a problem if some wild animals were living out in the jungles, but it's this client of mine that demands action."

I have a game theory

the serpent may be trying to get my eidolon killed

What?

it’s just a game theory

Your eidolon doesn't fucking matter

: (

Summoners don't even need to use them

As you've seen yourself

Tiefling: "Unfortunately, it'd be suicide to send a mere party of 2 on this mission. 2 who are so inexperienced, no less."

oof

Tiefling: "Now, if it'll just be you 2 then I'll require some preliminary payment."

Tiefling: "Your hand will suffice, yes?"

“What?”

“We’re doing the quest but I still have to lose a hand?”

"Now, this is a more than fair deal!"

Tiefling: "This is a gamble for me too!"

“This is even worse than the other one!”

“Not only do I have to lose my hand, but I also have to try and do this quest that you called a suicide mission!”

“Without said hand!”

"I require at least something up front! Especially given your likelihood of mortality."

“Ahh.. you can have this amulet?”

not sure if the amulet I have is rare

You never used that thing?

nope

Would've been handy wouldn't it

not at all

Tiefling: "Mmm...it's nothing terribly worthwhile now."

"Look, it can be your hand, or go back out to the volcano until you get someone else to bring along with you."

man

“Couldn’t you like.. take my entire body if I died?”

Tiefling: "Necrografts, you must understand the importance."

"This process involves attaching living tissue onto an undead being. Very popular these days,"

fuck

Demon: "Well, tough luck loser."

“So if I had a bigger party I wouldnt have to give you my hand?”

Tiefling: "Well of course not. Much less of a risk on my end. The remaining terms still apply, of course."

quick someone insert themselves into the campaign

No

“Would you count an Eidolon as an extra party member?”

This is staying as a solo campaign, the other one already got indefinitely postponed with others jumping in

“Mine is quite powerful.”

Tiefling: "Your summoning powers were already factored in, sir."

god damnit

why does this man need my fucking hand