the-dump

Boy

That was terrible

Was it from a guy?

it was not

I’d like to go into full detail about it but it’s not necessarily child friendly

Wouldn’t want to taint umbreon

Did it forcibly breed with you?

Not today

I hear it’s pretty common for them to have the aids

They haven’t attempted to steal my genes yet

The thing about the massage that was bad was that uh

Yes?

Well

Starting with the child friendly part

I am ticklish on nearly every part of my body

So the entire time I was holding in laughter

And then the thing about it that was non child friendly was that uh

and no I didn’t get an erection

she went to rub by my crotch right

Of course

and your boy

your boy got pubes

So...

so she rubbed and uh

her finger kinda got tied in my pubes

and she sat there for a bit trying to get it out

it was the most uncomfortable experience of my life

so a life lesson

if you’re going to get a full body massage

shave your pubes

roll to repress

/r d20

@Rusp: d20 = (18) = 18

I’ll take it

I’m sorry you had to hear that

Side story

giant black worker walked up to me, pointed up at a coconut on a tree, and asked me if I wanted it

Or at least I assume he did that

I just shook my head

He then proceeded to climb the tree, pull out a machete, and cut a coconut down

picked it up

and sliced it in half

and gave it to me

Did you visit any of those island bartering markets?

hell no

I don’t want to get mugged

My desk is full of shit I bought from people on islands

You don't get mugged, you just barter them down

They ask for $3 for a wood carving

And you talk them down to 50 cents

Listen spooky

How the hell am I supposed to barter

It's all about the body language

You have to remember

They spend tens of hours making this shit, instead of doing something productive

So you need to try to vealue their time as little as possible, by offering them 1/10 of what they ask for

here’s the thing

These guys aren’t “island people”

Outside of this resort is a Spanish ghetto

I will not be walking outside

Hey, at least their capital city has an actual name

My life is worth more than a wooden statue

Trinidad got shafted on that front

internet about to be gone

/r d20 # to devour the galaxy

@Phijkchu_Dialga: d20 to devour the galaxy = (5) = 5

re roll

/r d20

@Phijkchu_Dialga: d20 = (4) = 4

oof

/r d20 # for ice cream

@Phijkchu_Dialga: d20 for ice cream = (19) = 19

roll to not roll for anything in particular because the bot's gonna fuck me either way

/r d20

@Deleted User: d20 = (8) = 8

/r d20 # Fire's terraria knowledge

@Phijkchu_Dialga: d20 Fire's terraria knowledge = (6) = 6

don't

fucking