the-dump

The two of them approach the badger with blades drawn

“He’s m-my p-p-pet!”

"Okay, no sudden moves until I say so..."

Bouncer: "I think the dark fellow is trying to communicate"

“Uhh.. Y-Yes!”

Bartender: "Hmm? Ah, yes! Sorry, I'm not used to ebonics"

“Th-that’s my badger, v-vag”

Bartender: "What dis you want....my nig-ga?"

I repeat myself

Trying to be as clear as possibly

Bartender: "Vag? No, me man not wimin"

This is hell

“That’s my badger! His name is Vag!”

Bartender: "Oh! Well why didn't you just speak english to begin wiht?"

“S-Sorry”

"What?"

“Sorry!”

"Right, uh, we don't let these sorts of animals in here"

"Or...anywhere really"

"Certainly not in a civilized town"

"Could you at least tie it up outside?"

Is what I would’ve done

But that’s when I notice it

I have a raging boner

So instead I just whimper “Ok”

It occurs to you that could give yourself away if anyone recognizes it

The badger

Oh

Not my erection?

Well you can roll for how famous your dick is

Oh boy

/r d20

@Rusp: d20 = (11) = 11

oh no

this is the worst outcome

You fucked one person at one point in your life

That’s amazing

You don't remember who they were or what gender they were, but they seemed to enjoy it

Was it the trap??

Do I have any gold on me?

Um

/r d20

@Gent: d20 = (14) = 14

You kept a small amount of gold on you

I’m going to tie my badger up outside as quickly as possible (behind the bar) than I’m going to come back in and purchase some food

Alright, you clamber out the door trampling the bouncer

Roll to dodge

No, this just happens

Can I do that?

Fuck

Plot trample

You get back and he's in the corner again trembling

Oh

Nice

How tall is a gnome?

Bartender: "Listen, why don't you buy something to drink and we'll call it even"

Which one?

A gnome is about 3'5"

Oh

I see

How tall am I?

The bouncer is 3'8"

Do I roll for this?

You're 6'8"

Holy shit

That dex isn't coming from nowhere

I guess I’ll buy something of the bartender

I ask if he has any food for sale

Bartender: "Um, I guess? We have some bread and cheese to go with your beer"

“How much for two loaves of bread?”

Bartender: "Uh, 8 gold? What exactly do you need two loaves for sir?"

(you have 40 gold atm)

“If you haven’t noticed, I’m very large”

“Also my pet hasn’t eaten in awhile either”

Bartender: "I don't think those things eat bread"

“It’s worth a shot”

Your badger comes from a rich household, so it may be pickier

Fuck I knew I should’ve gotten the duck