splinter dick was good
banned-users
Phi Kappa Chi ΦΚΧ <a:yeah:589703000977571860><a:ppHop:536353159615086612>
Saturday, March 30, 2019
$fml
Today, I helped a lady give birth on the train. She was so happy she asked if she could name the baby after me, but as I told her my name she visibly turned her nose up at it, turned to her husband, and suggested naming it after his grandfather instead. FML
what
$fml
Today, I had to sell my wedding ring to help me pay for my divorce. FML
What’s his name?
Logan?
rusp
haha
$fml
Today, my best friend got engaged. To get his girlfriend to say yes, he had to agree to dump me as a friend because she doesn't want him being best friends with a girl. FML
$fml'
$fml
Today, while trying to go to sleep, I could hear snoring from my boyfriend's side of the bed. I'm not sure who was louder, him or the dog. FML
what is with all the "MY BOYFRIEND" ones
$fml
Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML
RPing as girls online Max
$fml
Today, I was taking my phone out of my pocket when it caught on the fabric and began to fall. I managed to catch it, but also smacked myself in the balls in the process. FML
$fml
Today, while I was on a second date with this guy, my roommate tried calling me and I ignored her. After dinner my date brought me back to my apartment and there was a waterfall gushing down from the balcony above our apartment. The guys above us had started a fire and our apartment was flooded. FML
$fml
Today, I wore a Stanford college T-shirt to school. My Spanish teacher took one look at it and said "You wish". FML
$fml
Today, as a condominium security guard, I had to enter an old lady's apartment to supervise the mandatory maintenance taking place inside. I commented on the lakeside view from her window and mentioned, "This is a pretty nice view up here isn't it?" It turns out that she's blind. FML
$fml
Today, I heard a commercial for a great apartment complex. Includes food, snacks, entertainment, activities, cleaning service, and transportation services if you cannot drive yourself. I was really excited until the end when they repeated the name; too bad my perfect place is a senior center. FML
$fml
Today, I got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding. When he saw I had something in my pocket, he began to ask if it was a weapon. After arguing for a few minutes I was put in handcuffs. I was too embarrassed to pull the tampon out my pocket. FML
stop spammin i
$fml
Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML
what
how does that even make sense
$fml
Only one of these has been funny
Why do you persist
top post on reddit
not all time
this week
$ship
bot is good
Rusp, why are you making such liberal use of the anime bot
top all time
because thebot is based around the sengoku era lord oda nobguanguanua